To blog or not to blog…. that was my question…. I’m sure that not even Shakespeare could’ve helped me with that one haha! I had to do my own homework. I had to do my own soul searching. I needed to have a conference with myself and ask the question that never escaped my heart nor my head. I dug deep into my core to know the very reason, the very motivation, the very inspiration that resonated with my desire to blog in the first place.
And so the movie in my mind began. My inner dialogue unfolded.
“I’m going to start writing down my thoughts. Hmmm, really? Is that a wise thing to do? Yes, surely I’ll gain a much clearer perspective when I see my musings crystallized on paper. Oh, but is that a safe action to take? Wouldn’t that be exposing my passion and pain, my joys and tears , my sunshine and rain, my yin and yang, my hopes and fears, my inclinations and biases, my thoughts and feelings, my insights and ruminations, my heart and head, my very being? Ahhh oh wow, how liberating, how empowering! But then whoa, how revealing, how daunting! Most especially if I ever get subjected to brutal criticism. Sigh.”
I used to struggle. I used to wrestle with that question. I used to second-guess myself. In different moments of my life, I attempted to wear different hats, thinking that the more viewpoints I entertained, the faster it would be for me to arrive at the optimal decision. It became a boxing match between my heart and my head, my head and my heart.
Then came that defining moment in my life. One evening right after dinner, I took my medicines as part of my special kidney care. I silently thanked Our Heavenly Father for all His sweetest guidance and grace, His gentlest love and care. After a few minutes of prayer, I had an instant welling of inspiration to turn my laptop on and start typing. So I pressed into that golden moment and pressed the computer keys. I started pouring out my heart and soul. Although my brain was trying to snap me out of the moment, I kept on typing. I kept on pressing on, both literally and figuratively. And I was overcome with such joy, such peace.
I’ve always dreamt that the two roads in my life would meet at a blissful, serene spot in my core. That night, I cried because I knew that was the blessed moment. My heart and my head had finally embraced each other.
Today, as I am an infant blogger (Haha this is simply my second blog post!), I know that I have a long, long way to go. And I realize that as challenging as it may be, I face this new chapter in my life with brimming hope and inspiration.
I look forward to seeing more and more of life without filters. I am willing to expose my strengths and vulnerabilities in hopes of sharing my lessons learned. I am going to show up in the arena of life. I am ready to write my story, as we all have our own rich stories to tell. I am raring to go on this adventure. To share my insights that may touch a chord in the hearts of some readers. I can hardly wait to capture the photos on my head and the messages in my heart. I am so excited to authentically celebrate all of me in the varying hues and shades of the rainbow. To amplify both the beat in my heart and the song in my head.
I choose to live fully in my space in our world. I choose to respectfully journal my significant moments and thoughts in life. I choose to leave my legacy of love.
Once upon a time, my heart said yes. And my head said no.
Well, now we all know the “happy ending” to this lovely, interesting crossroad. ❤️