how you surprise me
where did you hide all these years?
now you’re fin’lly home
how you surprise me
where did you hide all these years?
now you’re fin’lly home
I’m in love with a married man. Silence. There. I admitted it to my husband. There was no denying it. He had to know. For our 22 years together, he deserved to know.
It all started when I saw how similar this mystery man was to my husband. And yet even more strikingly, how different he was altogether.
I met my husband one precious day. It was comfortably warm with a burst of sunshine. The funny thing is, little did I know then that an awesome blessing was rushing my way. I wasn’t ready for the sunshine that was going to explode and overtake me. Oh my heart. Oh my head.
I was conducting a corporate team building workshop and ….. yup, just like that famous scene in a romance film, time stood still when I saw him flash his most infectious, heart-melting smile. The one that made the sun shy away. And his eyes, they beamed along, as they looked my way. Woot woot! Sparks were all over the place! Could you tell that by then I was already gravitating towards him? I found him so handsome, so cute, so endearing, so irresistible.
As we went through the workshop, in his charming quiet confidence, he shared some rich insights. He wasn’t soft-spoken, but he didn’t sound his views blaringly either. He was just so cool. He was just so natural. There was an effortless manner about him. That’s it! That was the clincher. I was drawn to his intelligence and his humility at the same time. As he was feeling his way through the workshop, I sensed that he wasn’t even aware of how amazed I was with his sharp wit and humor.
As love stories would have it, he was likewise magnetized to me and my sunny, effervescent personality. Or is that my biased version of the story? Haha!
So what’s all the fuss about the sun? Well, we loved the warmth and friendly conversations we carried. It’s as if we knew each other forever. Ease. Lots of happy ease. Free from trying to be people we weren’t. There was simply a natural flow in our dynamic and yet, it was charged with exciting electricity. Engaging energy. It felt like a majestic interplay of yin and yang.
These joyous, vibrant, and down-to-earth colors resonate so deeply with my soul to this very day. And that’s the similar road that led me to this mystery man. He makes me feel so happy, so comfortable, so special, so at home. He reminds me so much of the love who stole my heart decades ago.
And yet, as I spend more time with him, he also opens my eyes to a totally new amazing world. He shows me various facets of life that I’ve never ever seen in my earlier years of marriage. He’s just so different from the man that I married. And that’s what makes him so attractive too.
This mystery man has the boldness of a lion. Nothing fazes him. He reminds me that there is always a solution to every problem. He has the vision of an eagle. He is so situationally aware. He knows what’s happening in the world…. even more impressively, in my world. He keeps himself well-informed so that he can make sound judgments. He is passionate about the future. He has the wisdom of an owl. He is quite insightful and abundant with ideas. He challenges my mind. He sees what systems or processes can be improved and is never shy to air his suggestions. He has the tenderness of a puppy. When he is with me, and we are in our own world, he embraces me and snuggles up to me. And that, I love with much fervor. He has the speed of a cheetah. There’s never a dull moment with him. He maps out our adventures and is an architect at compartmentalizing his time. I’m blown away with his many achievements and accomplishments. He works hard. He plays hard. He lives life. He loves life. He has the commanding presence of a shark. He loves me fiercely and intensely. He circles me and readily defends me at the onslaught of any attack. He always protects me with all his might.
Ahhh! The more I think about his qualities, the more I fall deeply, madly, indescribably in love with this mystery man.
It’s been so overwhelming lately, though. My thoughts. My feelings. My sanity. My core. Until guilt totally consumed me one night. I had to finally confess my budding romance with this mystery man. I had to finally break the silence …. and the noise within me. I had to finally tell my husband.
So what’s the point of it all? There is, in fact, a powerful point. For this may speak volumes to some people out there who may feel “trapped” in their marriages.
You see, I am no longer the same woman that my husband married years back. And neither is he the same man with whom I exchanged marriage vows. We both have changed. Vastly. We both have evolved. Vastly.
And so, that fateful night, I finally introduced my husband to this mystery man.
At the dinner table, as we were about to have our cheese platter, I started fidgeting. Awkwardness filled the room. I was waiting for him to ask me about the “important announcement” that I had been dying to make. But he simply sat there. Silent.
It wasn’t going well. To think that it had panned out earlier in my mind. So, I finally mustered the courage to speak. I dove into his eyes and tried to make a meaningful connection. Then slowly, I reached out for his hand and gave him a mirror. With a quizzical look, he asked if it was all a joke. I was uncharacteristically expressionless. Then, after a few seconds, I cajoled him into looking at the mirror.
A smile peeked from his face. And a smile peeked from mine. I raised my glass to him and finally blurted out my “confession”.
“Yes, I’m in love with a married man …….. And that married man ……. is YOU ……. CHEERS HONEY!!! I love you always and forever!”
Wow the sweetest, most delicious relief filled the air. Our wine glasses clinked playfully and we both burst into happy laughter. Oh, and we had the grandest night of all! ❤️
There you were, bursting with joy! Hurrah! Then there they were, aggressively bursting your joy! No, blitzkrieging your joy. Stealing your joy. Raping your joy. Clobbering your joy. Beating breathless your joy. Killing your joy. Eventually.
What?!?! The huge disparity? The Theory of “Polarity” at play?
I find it so unthinkable, so puzzling, so mind-boggling, how some people practically loathe and despise the happiness of others, as if it were malaria, as if it were a much-dreaded incurable disease, as if it were the proverbial plague to avoid.
It makes me wonder beyond comprehension why some people actually “die” at the “birth” or even more interestingly, at the “rebirth” of others. Just when others see the silver lining, just when they wish over the rainbow, just when they hope against all odds, just when they work their asses off, just when they have a new lease on life, just when they renegotiate with life on their own terms, just when they firm their footing on land, just when they regain their bearings at sea, just when they steady their heading in the air.
Oh, help my mind see through their twisted compass.
And when my thoughts swing to the opposite side of the pendulum, I wonder again.
Why are some people “born” or insanely “reborn” at the “death” of others? “Misery loves company”, they say. Well, I say misery is a sick bitch that needs a lot of guidance, advice, counseling, healing, restoration, and “enlightened rebirth”. I mean, what mind, what heart, what being would actually celebrate the loss, the defeat, the pain, the devastation, the storm, the tornado, the avalanche, the sickness, the death of others?
Oh, help my mind see through their twisted “True North”.
Passion overtakes me as I embrace the precious gift of free will. Yes, we always have a choice. We all do. And so, we may never be able to control all the forces. Although, who would ever want to do that anyway? That would be tiringly impossible in the first place. But we can proactively shape the next steps, the next scenes, the next scenarios, the next chapters.
As I mull over these mysteries, a script plays in my head.
You smiled. They cried. Then what? You cried. They smiled. Then what?
The answer lies in the door. It’s as simple as the more they’ll see of you …….. or no more. ❤️
Have you ever felt that you were spinning in your head with the next item on your To Do List? Have you ever been swamped with so much work that you didn’t even know how to actually begin? Have you ever been startled by your alarm ringer on your smart phone that you pressed snooze and defiantly curled up in bed? Have you ever been caught in a horrendous traffic jam to the point of getting all antsy and critical spotting all the negatives on the road? Have you ever been barraged with so many texts, missed calls, tweets, and notifications that you wished you could put your phone on silent mode for a century or even throw it out of the window? Have you simply been overwhelmed with today’s unending expectations and demands on you from your family, your relatives, your friends, your colleagues, your clients, your community, your state, your country, and the rest of the universe, oh yes, and social media too?
I have come across a number of days like that in my life. Especially since I have consistently been passionate about loving life and building up others. Making the most out of my life experiences. Striving to bring out the best in others.
As a corporate trainer and training consultant through the years, I’ve partnered with clients to help them uphold their corporate vision and mission statements. We’ve worked on aligning their corporate values with measurable performance goals. We’ve aimed at translating these into professional proactive service behaviors in the line. The task at hand was gigantic, to say the least. And yet, the psychic rewards were beyond compare.
In the corporate arena, I sought to show up every day as my authentic, empathetic, and passionate self.
I would go beyond the lesson plan or process design of each training session I conducted. Sure, my main goal was to meet the terminal objectives set out specifically for the programs. Although candidly, I went beyond. I always loved to go beyond. I wanted to have those add-on lessons of professionalism, personal excellence, respect, care, and love.
In the same vein that many of us can relate to constantly pressing toward excellence in all our chosen fields and passions, many of us have also been saddled with days of media overstimulation and 24/7 demands set upon us by others who likewise want to live life to the fullest.
But what does “living life to the fullest” really mean? What are the standards of measurement? Can it even be quantified through a formula? Are there specific signposts that let you know you’re on the right track?
For many of us today, life has become a non-stop race for success even as one races exclusively with oneself. Life has become a theme park’s most challenging and heart-pounding ride. Life has become a series of exhilarating adventures. Life has become a TV reality show that exposes one’s strengths and vulnerabilities.
And although action and adventure are certified blockbusters in the film industry, there are moments in life that one simply becomes greater with that much needed pause. Yes that seemingly enigmatic moment that escapes the modern man. Time to reflect, to instrospect, to evaluate, to recalculate, to recalibrate, to recharge, to reimagine, to redesign, to rebuild, to rebrand.
For it is only in that sacred space, that personal zone, that Zen mindfulness that one can truly internalize the depth and width, the total circumference of one’s rich meaningful life and even more so, one’s impact on the rest of life itself.
And when one looks within, one hears his heartbeat and feels the pulsating rhythm. He rediscovers his enormous capacity to love. He sees his journey through fresh eyes of awe and wonder. He embraces his commitment to grow. He is reminded that life is filled with infinite possibilities. He is refreshed with renewed vigor, hope, faith, humanness, love.
He is ready to live again. He is inspired to connect with himself and the rest of the world. He is awakened to the bold truth that in this mystery and gift of life, he always has a choice. And he chooses LOVE. ❤️